Once upon a time

Only in America. What are the most heavily debated topics in our country? Our aggressive foreign policy that squanders trillions on wars of aggression, secret prisons across the world, torture, and assassination by drones? Nope. Pax Americana is just as ugly as Pax Romana. The growing economic injustice where 50 million live in squalor and the only jobs being created in our economy pay slave wages? Of course not. Shenanigans in the financial sector? No way, no how. Our health care system with the highest costs and worst outcomes of any developed nation? Guess again. Watching millions face the choice between financial ruin from medical bills and death from treatable medical conditions makes us exceptional. The epidemic of despair that makes suicide now more common than accidental deaths and homicides? Not a chance.

So what gets our juices flowing? One of the biggest kerfuffles this advent season has been race. Aisha Harris wrote a piece in Slate that the image of Santa needs a makeover. Instead of a white man, she suggested that the part of Santa be portrayed by a penguin. 

And so I propose that America abandon Santa-as-fat-old-white-man and create a new symbol of Christmas cheer. From here on out, Santa Claus should be a penguin.

That’s right: a penguin.

Why, you ask? For one thing, making Santa Claus an animal rather than an old white male could spare millions of nonwhite kids the insecurity and shame that I remember from childhood. Whether you celebrate the holiday or not, Santa is one of the first iconic figures foisted upon you: He exists as an incredibly powerful image in the imaginations of children across the country (and beyond, of course). That this genial, jolly man can only be seen as white—and consequently, that a Santa of any other hue is merely a “joke” or a chance to trudge out racist stereotypes—helps perpetuate the whole “white-as-default” notion endemic to American culture (and, of course, not just American culture).

If it were up to me, I would dispense with the wretched concept of Santa Claus altogether. It is the ultimate symbol of political correctness. Instead of having a holiday to celebrate the humble birth of Christ, a boneheaded myth has been created to serve as the iconic symbol of the season. St. Nicholas was a great servant of the Lord, but any connection between Santa Claus and St. Nicholas is convoluted and silly. Aisha Harris is a much nicer person than I in discussing the sacrilegious stand-in that is associated with materialism and consumption during Advent.

Into this debate steps a talking head over at Fox News. She firmly proclaims that Santa Claus and Jesus are both white.



Despite what this glorious panel thinks, Santa Claus is not a historical figure. St. Nicholas was Greek and a good deal swarthier than northern European artists depicted long after his death. It is a stupid conversation. As for the Jesus was white comment, clearly these sorry excuses for journalists have no clue of how olive-toned the skin of people living in Judea 2000 years ago really was.

After being mocked for her pronouncements about the true skin color of Santa and Jesus from every corner of the media, with the usual partisan divisions, the Fox News commentator called her detractors race-baiters and humorless for not knowing she was speaking "tongue-in-check" about the jolly fat man that rides a sleigh pulled by 8 tiny reindeer while bringing toys to children all over the world. As for Jesus, she claims that jury is still out on his skin tone.

As luck would have it, the debate over the race of Jesus raged on. One skirmish in Florida centered on the use of a book in grade school that says the following about candy canes.

Horice Hymes asked his 7-year-old daughter an innocent question about what she learned in school on Monday. He found her answer horrifying.

"She told me, 'I learned that the white on the candy cane stands for Jesus, because he was white'" Hymes said, "and the red on the candy cane was for the blood that he shed, and if you flip it upside down, the 'J' stands for Jesus."

So for the past 10 days, we have had nonstop discussion in the print and broadcast media about the race of Santa and Jesus. I am tempted to pray, "Lord forgive them for they do not know what they are doing." The trouble is I do not believe it. Wringing our hands over trivia while ignoring the army of 800 pound gorillas in the room is exactly what is intended. We do not want to confront the evil in our midst and work together to heal this broken world.

Lord, as I stare into the candlelight and sing hymns during the coming few days, I can only pray for those scarred by violence, greed, hatred, and injustice. Make my hands instruments of yours to help heal those in need.