Born Again

I decided to take a break from writing while attending to my parent’s health crises. Too much stress often has a way of putting a little too much bite into our words. As a test of whether I can be critical without being hostile, I present a story of harmful witness for Christ.

I met a woman at a recent fundraising event and we chatted during lulls in the action. Let’s call her Marjorie. The conversation was light as we talked about our careers and family, but then the subject of religion came up. Or more precisely, we found ourselves discussing religion being used as an excuse to harm others.

Marjorie is Jewish and raised her three boys in that tradition. Her husband’s struggle with alcohol took its toll on the marriage, leading to divorce about ten years ago. She hoped and prayed that he would eventually find the strength to conquer his addiction. They remained on good terms, effectively co-parenting the boys to adulthood. The man eventually remarried and seemed to have put his life in order. The man’s second wife was described as a “born again Christian.” He converted to Christianity from Judaism before their wedding, but never made religious differences an issue with his children.

A few weeks ago, the man tragically took his own life. Marjorie has no idea what triggered the suicide. It was one of those sudden events that knocked the wind out of everyone that cared about him. She and the boys attended the memorial service fully expecting it to be very difficult. Coming to terms with the loss of a loved one, particularly a parent, is no easy feat under the best of circumstances.

During the homily, the pastor decided to do something very unChrist-like. After reassuring the mourners that this man now stands in the presence of the Lord in paradise, he pointed to the man’s children and offered this gem. “His sons have been raised as Jews. If they ever expect to see their father in heaven, they better give themselves to Christ. The bible says that only people that accept Jesus as their savior will be given eternal life.”

No doubt there are some that will defend the pastor’s actions as merely clumsy rather than mean-spirited. He was more concerned about the eternal wellbeing of these young men than hurting their feelings. I don’t believe that for a second, but all are entitled to their opinions.

These young men were grieving their father’s sudden death and struggling with the fog that comes from the nagging questions of why he ended his life. They came to the service expecting a safe place to mourn and remember the good in their father, not to be held up for rebuke for their religious beliefs. The pastor ignored their suffering to wag a finger of disapproval at them. He threw a snake to people begging for food.

If we evaluate religious leaders by their fruit, then this pastor left members of a grieving family with a bitter taste. Marjorie is still stunned and hurt. The same is true for her sons. Rather than use the memorial service as a platform to witness for God’s love, the pastor’s words only served to raise doubt and despair. As a Christian, I felt the need to apologize to her for the hurtful words of the pastor, but I made no excuses for his conduct. I only hope God opens the preacher’s eyes to the harm he does done in the name of Christ.